MOTORHEAD PAGANS

We all know there are redneck Pagans out there, but a lesser known
subspecies are the Motorhead Pagans. OK, maybe it isn't exactly PC, 
or an environmentally-sensitive lifestyle, but there are some of us 
(out of the woodwork, you clowns) who love the Goddess and also happen 
to love big, bad ol' musclecars, or motorcycles, or just things that go 
real fast and make lots of noise. This is admittedly a rather unusual 
combination, so I expect many people will not understand all of the 
following obvious signs that they might actually be Motorhead Pagans. 
But the ones who are will get it right away.

Anyhow, you might be a Motorhead Pagan if:

- Your chalice is a piston from a rebored 427 Chevy
- Your totem animal is a Mustang, Firebird, Lynx, Cougar, Firehawk,
  Thunderbird, (or similar)
- Your coven's theological debates seem to focus on Fords vs. Chevys
- When someone talks about new moons you think they just replaced
  their hubcaps
- Your Pentagram looks suspiciously like a reworked Mercedes hood  
  ornament
- Your broom has a radar detector
- When someone talks about "raising power" you think they're
  considering an engine swap
- You have a bumpersticker on your broom that says "my other broom is
  a car"
- You're in court a lot, and it never has anything to do with religion
- For you, HP stands for horsepower, and HPS just means more of 'em
- You had your athame chromed
- Your coven maiden once appeared on the cover of Hot Rod Magazine (or
  maybe Easy Riders)
- When someone mentions black magic, you immediately think of
  electronic fuel injection
- You use road flares for candle magic
- You think the Great Rite is what you hung last night doin' 85 MPH
- You spend more time in Traffic School than in Circle
- You can't understand why J.C. Whitney doesn't sell herbs and incense
- Your Sabbat oil is 10W-30
- When someone mentions the Holly King you think they're talking about
  a racing carburetor
- Your Book of Shadows has greasy fingerprints all over it
- The deepest message you ever received during meditation was "Go
  fast, turn left"
- You keep your best socket wrenches in the altar
- Your ritual bathing always starts with hand cleaner
- When you were really broke, your Green Egg subscription lapsed...
  But Car Craft didn't
- Your favorite chant is "got fuel, got spark, got to run"
- You think the Spiral Dance is sort of like doing wheelies, or maybe
  donuts
- You keep seeing police cars in your scrying mirror
- When you call the quarters you invoke the spirits of intake,
  compression, ignition, and exhaust
- Your favorite banishing ritual has to do with the Highway Patrol
- Your Goddess figure is a racing trophy
- When people talk about "ritual tools" you think they mean Snap-On
- Your ritual wand has "Hurst" engraved on the end